by Shelley Hitz

Have you ever been on a trip and realized you were headed in the wrong direction? You get that pit in your stomach as you realize that the road you are on is taking you further and further from your destination. That happened to CJ and me once where a twelve-hour drive toAtlantaturned into fourteen hours. It made for a long day!

And that’s why I’m glad we now have a GPS for our car. For whatever reason, I have a terrible sense of direction and often find myself making u-turns.

Usually, if I say we’re supposed to turn right, we really need to turn left and vice versa. But, once I realize I’m going the wrong direction, if I don’t change directions, I’ll never get to my destination…right?

Well the same is true in our spiritual lives.

Other “Clogs” in My Life

You see, I began to realize that some of those “clogs” in my life were not only my unforgiveness toward others, but also my sins…the ways I missed God’s mark and His standard for my life.

I was desperately trying to fill the emptiness and loneliness inside of me. And in doing so, I ended up down some roads I now regret. Roads that took me in the wrong direction. Roads that led me to certain addictions that filled me temporarily, but never lasted.

And so, once I had offered forgiveness to others, I was now in a place where I was ready to confess my sins to God and ask for His forgiveness.

I John 1:9 says, (emphasis mine) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I also like the way the Amplified version says it (emphasis mine). “If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].” (AMP)

Did you notice how much unrighteousness it says God will cleanse us from? That’s right…ALL unrighteousness. There is no sin too big for God to forgive.

I also like the way the Amplified version says “continuously cleanse us.” Growing up in the church, I sometimes believed this false notion that you say a prayer one time to get saved and then “Poof!” everything is okay. But that’s not the way it works.

Yes, salvation is a one-time deal. We make a decision to start a relationship with Jesus, confess our sins and ask for forgiveness.

However, confession becomes a daily part of our lives…a “continuous cleansing.” Similar to our need for a physical shower each day to get clean, we also need a spiritual cleansing which comes through confession.

I don’t know about you, but some days I need to ask for forgiveness on a minute by minute basis. A jealous thought may come into my mind. “Lord, please forgive me for always comparing myself to other girls. Help me accept myself for who I am.”

I may sense God asking me to speak up and say something to a co-worker. But, I hesitate and miss my chance to share my faith with them. “Lord, please forgive me for being so afraid of what others think of me. I am such a people pleaser. Help me to care more about what you think of me than anyone else. Empower me to be obedient when you ask me to say or do something.”

And so we come to the second part of the Forgiveness Cross.

“Forgiveness Formula”

The Forgiveness Cross

The second part of the Forgiveness cross is the vertical portion, which represents asking God for forgiveness.

The Airplane Ride

Have you ever been a passenger on an airplane?  I have flown in an airplane many times.  One of my most memorable flights was in February of 2010, just weeks after a devastating earthquake hitHaiti.  You see, I was boarding a chartered plane as part of a medical team to offer relief to those injured in the earthquake.  At that time there were no commercial flights flying intoHaiti.   See picture below.

However, let’s say you do decide to fly on a commercial airplane flight.  And as you board, the flight attendant says to you, “Here is a backpack that every passenger is required to wear and I guarantee it will make your flight better.”  So, you put on the backpack and find your seat.

Soon you start feeling uncomfortable.  It feels like there is a lump in your back!  And as you look around, not many other passengers are wearing their backpacks.  But, you remember that the flight attendant promised it would make your flight better.  So, you decide to give it more time.

Pretty soon, you start to feel hot and the weight of the backpack begins to dig into your shoulders.  You notice people whispering, pointing at you and laughing.  Then, the flight attendant trips and accidentally spills coffee all over you.

Even though the flight attendant promised wearing the backpack would make your flight more comfortable, it has only made it worse!  Therefore, you quickly remove the backpack and place it under your seat.

However, let’s say the flight attendant gives you different instructions.  As you are boarding the airplane, the flight attendant says, “Here is a backpack that every passenger is required to wear.  Inside the backpack is a parachute.  This is important because at some point in today’s flight you will have to jump 25,000 feet from this airplane.  It will happen at any time and at a moment’s notice.  If you don’t have your parachute on and ready to go, you will not survive.

Now if the parachute gets uncomfortable, hot or heavy will you take it off?  No way!  If people laugh at you and make fun of you, will you take it off?  No!

What made the difference?

Knowing the purpose of the backpack.

In a similar way, I have heard many people in the church say, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ and He will make your life better.”   It is true that Jesus fills us with His Holy Spirit and gives us love, joy, peace, etc.  However, it’s also promised in the Bible that we will face persecution as followers of Christ.

Therefore, the true purpose of asking God’s forgiveness and starting a relationship with Jesus is not just to “make our lives better.”  Have a relationship with Jesus is like wearing a parachute.  Only He can save us from the 25,000 foot jump that awaits us on judgment day.   (Comfort, Ray.  Hell’s Best Kept Secret. Whitaker House, 2004.)

The Bible says, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”  2 Corinthians 5:10

Receiving God’s Forgiveness

When we come to God asking for forgiveness out of a pure and sincere heart, He promises to cleanse us. God chooses to forgive us for our sake, so we can be cleansed from our sins and be ready to stand before Him on judgment day.

“If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand?  But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared.”  Psalm 130:3-4

Are you ready to change directions?

If, so let God know. Confess the ways you’ve been going down the wrong path. Use Psalm 51 as your prayer if you don’t know how to start.

And then ask God to empower you with His Holy Spirit to change directions. You may have to make some hard choices. I know I did. It was not easy. But, God gave me the strength to obey. And He will give you what you need as well.

And, guess what?

You’ll find true life on the other side. And you’ll realize, like I did, that Jesus’ mathematical formulas – his teachings – really do add up to a full life.

Questions for Reflection:

1)  I encourage you to start with prayer. You might want to pray a prayer of surrender. If so, you can pray something like this,

Lord, I want to be free from anything that weighs me down and the sin that so easily entangles. (Hebrews 12:1-2). I surrender to you my heart, mind and will and ask that you lead me through this time of journaling and prayer.

Help me to be willing to deal with any sin in my life that keeps me from you and hinders my spiritual growth. I acknowledge your power to forgive any sin and to help me do what I cannot do myself. Amen.

2)  In your journal, write out any current sin in your life that comes to mind. It could be an outward sin like getting drunk at parties or it could be an inward sin like jealousy or pride. If nothing comes to mind, pray and ask God to reveal to you any sin that is coming between you and Him.

3)  Once you are ready, you can pray a prayer asking God for forgiveness of your sins. There is no “magic prayer” but you can choose to use the following prayer as an example.

Lord, I confess and repent of my sin (s) of ____________ and of my anger and resentment against You, God, for allowing this to happen in my life. I ask You to forgive me, and I receive Your forgiveness. I forgive myself for participating in this sin.

I ask for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to help me truly repent of my sin(s) of ________________ and help me to change directions. Please show me how I need to change and help me through the Holy Spirit to make those changes despite what my friends and family may think or say. Thank you for taking the weight of this sin from me and restoring my relationship with You. Amen.

4)  Write out any changes you sense God asking you to make as you repent of your sin (s). I recommend that you find an accountability partner to help you and pray for you as you make these changes.

An excerpt from the best-selling book, “Forgiveness Formula: Finding Lasting Freedom in Christ” by CJ and Shelley Hitz.

Have you ever watched someone waste something worth a lot of money? That’s what seems to be happening on this evening when Jesus is chillin’ with some locals over dinner. Almost out of nowhere, this woman comes up to Jesus and begins pouring at least a pint of really expensive perfume over Jesus’ head and feet.

In case you forgot, a pint = sixteen ounces. Have you bought perfume or cologne lately? You practically have to open your Swiss bank account just to smell good! After you’ve made this costly purchase (usually over $50) you’re left standing there with a little glass bottle holding no more than one to two ounces if you’re lucky. Picture this woman dumping sixteen or more of those little glass bottles all over Jesus’ feet. How many lawns would a person have to mow to make that amount of cash?

Even those closest to Jesus denounced this as an act of irresponsibility. A squandering of over a year’s wages according to others. Some even argued the perfume could have been sold in order to help the poor (ah, the classic guilt trip). And Jesus? What’s his take? He praises her! He has nothing but praise for this woman’s reckless extravagance. Pure and utter wastefulness and Jesus eats it up! What kind of math is that Jesus?

One thing’s for sure: Jesus smelled really good for a really long time.

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Excerpt from “Forgiveness Formula:  Finding Lasting Freedom in Christ” by CJ and Shelley Hitz

To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, “I no longer hold your offense against you.”

But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the “offended one.” As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us or, worse, pull them as a heavy load.

The great temptation is to cling in anger to those who have hurt us and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.

~Henri Nouwen

I love Carol Peterson. Now what am I going to do about it?

I told her once, why can’t I tell her again? Do I not think I’m good enough for her? When they were teens that had certainly been part of the problem. He knew one thing for sure. He had a lot of praying to do tonight.

As he prayed in bed that evening, God’s Spirit convicted him of having the same skewed thinking Carol’s parents possessed. They thought he wasn’t good enough for their daughter. He’d believed that way, too, as a teen. That had been one of the reasons he’d pushed himself so hard in college and afterwards, to prove to them, to the world, that Nick Powers was important, he had what it took to succeed.

He realized he had another sin to confess. Pride. Pride in what he’d done, instead of what God had done in his life. God had led him to the Bellingham Plantation, had led him to Mrs. B, so she could tell him the story of Jesus, had led him and Carol back together when they were both ready for a relationship. One built on Christ and His principles.

He confessed his sins, asked for forgiveness, and fell into a deep sleep.

You can find out more about the author, Rose McCauley, at her blog:  www.rosemccauley.blogspot.com.

We are excited to let you know about a free Christian conference we are hosting called, “Unshackled and Free – Finding Lasting Freedom in Christ” from November 28th through December 1st, 2011.

There are four speakers and the cool thing is it’s all online – you just call in to listen live or listen to the replays online later if you can’t make it live.  You can get all the details here:  www.theforgivenessformula.com/conference

Here are some of the speakers/topics and why we think you should attend…

DAY #1: “Reflecting God’s Image: Mind, Body & Soul” with Rae Lynn DeAngelis.

Rae Lynn was in bondage to bulimia for 25 years and will share how she gained freedom from an eating disorder through God’s truth.  This is definitely an issue that many teen girls and women face. Even if you don’t deal with an eating disorder yourself, you probably know someone that does! You won’t want to miss this session with Rae Lynn.

DAY #2: “God is Greater Than Your Pain” with Janet Perez Eckles.

Janet shares how adversity doesn’t have to defeat us, disappointments don’t have to stop us, and impairments don’t have to slow us down. She knows this first hand dealing with her husband’s affair, the murder of her son and losing her sight at age 31.

Everyone goes through hard times and yet we don’t have to simply survive, but we can thrive! Janet has an amazing story to share that will encourage and equip you for the difficult situations you face.

DAY #3: “When It’s Over” with Renee Johnson Fisher.

Renee will specifically talk about relationships, breakups and forgiveness.  Breakups – whether in dating or divorce – is a huge issue in our culture. Renee will be addressing this issue and how to forgive and allow God to heal your heart.

DAY #4: “No Reason to Live” with Scott Mason.

Overall, Scott was committed to 2 psychiatric hospitals, arrested over 25 times (2 times by S.W.A.T.) appeared before 15 judges in 12 courts, tried and convicted of 36 felonies, spent 10 years in 16 prisons where he became a ranking gang member for a powerful prison gang. One night while attending an event in a prison chapel Scott’s life was forever changed.

How did Scott change? With God all things are possible. Scott shares raw and real stories from his life and how God changed his life forever.

What are you waiting for?

We are so excited about this life-changing conference. Don’t miss out!  Even if you can’t make the calls live, sign up and listen to the recorded replays online afterwards.

You have nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain…

Get Registered Now: www.theforgivenessformula.com/conference

It is a women’s fiction novel set in Holland, Michigan showing how serious issues in contemporary society can be addressed.  Weaving together love, forgiveness and trust.

Synopsis:

Dumped into single parenthood, Heather Williams has found a part-time job as a dental receptionist and a cozy apartment with her four-year-old daughter. Life finally looks safe and secure until her daughter reveals a terrifying secret that she’s been molested by her own father. While struggling with her feelings towards her new boss, Heather tries to get the help her daughter needs, navigate the court system, and protect the child from further harm.

Chapter Excerpt:

When I looked about the room, I expected a lot more women at this Bible study. But, there were only four sitting around the rectangular table. The leader, Margaret, had a hooked nose and mud brown eyes. She took the seat at the end. Three elderly women sat to her right. I felt awkward taking a lone seat on the opposite side of the table, like I was at a boardroom interview. Margaret gave a gummy smile and slid a Bible towards me. The other women had their own Bibles.

Margaret glanced at her watch and said, “Let’s get started, shall we. Welcome everyone. It’s wonderful to see some old faces,” she nodded at the three ladies, “and some new faces as well.” Margaret smiled at me.

“I’d like to begin with getting to know each other. We’ll be spending the next four weeks reviewing this study and talking intimately about our lives, so let’s start on the right foot and remember that what is said in this room stays in this room.”

Intimately? I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. It was hard to swallow past the lump in my throat.

“How about we start with you, Diane?”

Diane, a woman close to six feet tall, had a large frame to match. She wore her silver hair neatly cut above her ears. When she spoke, I detected an accent. “Hello, my name is Diane. My husband, Henk, and I have been married for over forty years. We come from Holland – the one overseas, the Netherlands – and we have one grown son, Jon. We’ve attended dis church since moving here ten years ago.” She stopped abruptly and gave a big smile.

“That’s wonderful Diane, thanks. Let’s hear from Shirley now.”

Shirley sat between the other two towering women, looking small and uncertain of herself. She had eyes the color of black onyx and mousy brown hair that hung sloppily down to her shoulders.

“Hi, my name is Shirley.” She kept her eyes focussed on the middle of the table. “Like Diane, I’ve come to this church for many years. I like it here.” She looked up at Margaret as if to ask, “Is that enough?”

Margaret thanked her and then asked Patricia to introduce herself. Patricia talked fast without stopping for a breath. She had difficulty remaining seated. “My name is Patricia, but you all can call me Pat. Or Trish. But, no, I’d rather you call me Pat.” She smiled, showing a set of perfect gleaming teeth.

She must have had work done, I thought.

“I’m new to this church, but not to Holland. I’ve lived in Holland all my life. I love it here. And I just love the Dutch experience. Doug and I always go to the Tulip Time Festival and Dutch Winterfest. And I love the lake. We have a boat and go boating most weekends. Doug and I just love to boat.”

Margaret interrupted, “Thanks, Patricia. Pat. Maybe you could take us all for a ride some day.”

Pat nodded quickly, excited to see that others may share her interest.

Margaret turned to me. “And you are…?”

“Hi, my name is Heather. Rebecca signed me up for this. I’ve never been to a Bible study before. Um, I have a daughter, Caitlin, in kindergarten. I live up the street and work part-time as a receptionist at the Lakeside Dental Clinic.” Just then, the door squeaked open and Sarah peeked in. “I’m sorry I’m late. Tessa needed me in daycare for a minute. Am I interrupting?”

Seeing Sarah, my mood lifted.

“No, come in, come in. There’s plenty of room. Have a seat, Sarah. We were introducing ourselves. You’re just in time, go ahead.”

“Oh, great.” Sarah smiled and sat beside me. “My name is Sarah and I have one daughter, Tessa. My husband, Steve, runs his own business and I’m a stay-at-home mom. Umm, what else?” She looked to Margaret for direction.

“That’s fine, Sarah. Thanks.” Margaret described her role as leader and what to expect from the study. She handed out the studies and explained, “Each week, you need to read the Bible passage in your booklets. Read it through a number of times. Take your time to let the thoughts and ideas sink in. Allow the scriptures to speak to your heart. Then, answer the questions. Make sure you put down your answers in your own words. When we meet we’ll share our thoughts and discuss the questions. Then, we can talk about how it relates to our lives. Any questions?”

We all sat quietly, looking around at each other to see if anyone had a question. No one did. Then Margaret asked if anyone would like to open in prayer this week. I kept my eyes down, afraid that she might ask me. Pat took the challenge. “Dear God, I pray that we have a good meeting today. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

“Thanks, Pat.” Margaret gave a gentle nod and started, “I enjoyed how this week’s chapter opened with a definition of forgiveness.” She read, “Forgiveness: to excuse a fault, to pardon, to cancel a debt, to send away, to remit the punishment due, to let loose and leave it, to drop it, to let it go.”

“Let go and let God,” Pat added. “I have that written and posted on my fridge. It helps me to remember every day to let go of my problems and let God handle them.”

“Would you radder take poison?” Diane’s question caught us all off guard.

“What?”

Diane sat up taller, “Well, I’ve heard dat not forgiving someone is like taking poison for yourself. You wouldn’t drink poison just to get back at someone else would you?”

“Of course not!”

“Not forgiving someone is just like dat.”

I’d never thought of it like that before. Diane’s conviction interested me. I wanted to know more about this woman. I boldly asked, “Diane, you seem so sure of this. How do you know?”

She leaned forward and shared with us her experience of growing up in Europe during the war.

“My family and I woke up to de sound of explosions. Hitler had suddenly attacked Holland widout warning. The Dutch army fought bravely for five days, but dey had no chance against Hitler’s army and air force.” Diane’s eyes began to water from the memory. She continued, “Life changed for us. The town where we lived was filled wit German soldiers. No one could buy food unless dey had a ration card. Dutch newspapers were stopped. All radio sets had to be given up. No one was allowed on the streets after six o’clock in the evening. But den it got even worse. One Sunday afternoon, all de young men out on the streets were rounded up by German soldiers and sent to Germany as slave factory-workers.”

Diane’s voice wavered. She let out a soft sigh. “My brodder, Willem, was one of de young men. We never saw him again.”

“Oh Diane, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up old wounds,” I said, meeting her gaze.

“No, no. You see I held hatred and anger in my heart for so many years. But once I’d accepted Jesus into my heart, I’d found de grace to forgive my brodder’s killers. Once I forgave, I could finally move on and begin to live again. Dat is why I can share my story wit you today.”

Diane’s story touched me deeply. I didn’t want our time together to end. I’d never experienced such transparency in an elderly woman. Her testimony, although heart-wrenching, was inspiring. She obviously loved the Lord and believed everything that she said.

Her story stayed with me as we continued to talk and share for the rest of the morning.

Finally, Margaret said, “The power to forgive can be found in the Word of God, the Bible.” She then closed the meeting by saying that we needed to put our troubles and pain into God’s hands and no longer hold onto an unforgiving attitude. She ended in prayer and dismissed us a little early.

I watched Diane fold her booklet and stand to go. She met my eyes, smiled and raised her hand in a small wave.

I returned her gesture and packed up my own stuff.

“I’m not sure I can handle reading a chapter a week, what with work and Caitlin and all,” I said to Sarah as we ascended the stairs to the main doors.

“Oh, it’s not a lot of work. And it’s interesting, too. I’ll help you if you need it.” Sarah beamed a big smile. “I have to go get Tessa, but maybe we could meet for tea sometime soon?”

“I’d like that, thanks. I can give you my phone number.” I scribbled my name and number on the back of an old flyer and handed it to Sarah. “See you next week.”

Walking back to the apartment, I smiled at the church sign. It read:

God answers knee-mail

I felt hope coming in like morning light through a mist. I cherished the feeling not knowing how long it may last considering that I’d be going to court on Friday.

*****

What others are saying

Tooth for Tooth is not a novel for the faint of heart. The book isn’t a warm and fuzzy story with the blasé Christian happy ending.  Author Kimberley Payne has tackled subject matter that few are willing to acknowledge exists let alone desire to write into a story plot—incest.

Donna Dawson, award wining author

This is a novel I hesitated to read because of the subject matter, but although what happened to Caitlin and her mom is troubling, author Kimberley Payne doesn’t go into traumatic details of the abuse. The story gave me more insight and understanding into a situation nobody should ever experience but far too many do. It also reaffirmed what I’d sensed from a few people who’ve expressed similar—or worse—experiences: as traumatic as it is, there is hope for healing.

Kimberley Payne deals frankly with questions such as “Why, God? Where were You?” and with issues of anger, guilt and forgiveness.

Janet Sketchley, author

You can read Tooth for Tooth online for free or purchase a copy here:  http://amzn.to/toothfortooth

I found these ten indicators that forgiveness work may be needed by Daniel J. Rogers and thought they may be helpful to you as well.

1. Persistently feeling inappropriate or experiencing excessive negative emotions toward another person.
2. Frequently flashing back to memories of people and incidents in which you were hurt.
3. Cutting off relationships or avoiding people in the wake of an offense or injury.
4. Finding it hard to concentrate or get back to normal activity since someone caused you great pain.
5. Intentionally or unintentionally doing or saying something that hurts or inconveniences another person.
6. Wishing, hoping, or praying that someone will meet with hard or disaster.
7. Losing desire or motivation to trust, worship, serve or obey God after someone hurt you.
8. Entertaining the idea that something someone else did ruined your life.
9. Withholding (even in subtle ways) your attention, affection, communication or help from someone who previously enjoyed these.
10. Using work, sleep, food, spending or any kind of substance to get your mind off of what someone else has done to you.

For many, forgiveness is a dirty word. It may conger up memories of forced apologies or asking forgiveness because someone twisted your arm behind your back and asking forgiveness was the only way to stop the pain.

There is usually a very good historical reason for feeling the way we do about forgiveness. However, God does not coerce. He is all about relationship. He wants us to understand the consequences of our choices, but does not twist our arm until we choose to live life His way.

Let’s look at forgiveness. What does the word mean? Unfortunately, it has been vandalized. We must have a proper understanding of forgiveness if we hope to be free and whole.

Forgiveness is not saying what happened to you was right, that it did not hurt, or that it does not matter.

Truth is, it was not right, it did hurt, and it does matter. Forgiveness is not making excuses or letting people off easy. Criticism, undercutting, minimizing are not all right, it does hurt and it does matter to God and to you.

Forgiveness is recognizing that the hurt, trouble, anguish is bigger than we are and that we cannot cope with the accumulation of hurt and burdens on our own. To forgive is to release that accumulation to the Lord for Him to do with according to His own discretion. It is an invitation for the Lord to free and heal “me.” It is giving Jesus the responsibility to determine justice for those who hurt you. Forgiveness does not let someone off the hook—it puts the offender on Jesus’ hook.

You do not need to forgive and forget.

Psalm 103:12 does say that God forgives and removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west. It does say that God remembers our sins no more and does not hold them against us. I have not found any Scripture that says that we have to forgive and then forget about it and act as if nothing happened when we were hurt. God can afford to forget. When God forgets, He does not literally lose all conscious awareness of the offence, no! Forgetting is not amnesia; for if it was, there would be no record in Scripture of any specific sin that had been committed, then forgiven. God “forgets” in the sense of dismissing the case from court. A record of the offense remains, but it does not affect your life.

God can forget and still be appropriate because He has boundless wisdom. You and I do not. We need to learn from what happens to us. If you have no conscious recollection of everything you forgive, where would the learning be? You would go out and be hurt again! You are to forgive and remember. When you remember, you will not again walk into hurtful situations with your heart wide open. You forget only in the sense that God does, you dismiss it from court—in the court of your heart you hand the person over to God, allowing Him to hold the person accountable.

Forgiving someone does not mean you have to immediately trust the person.

First Peter 2:17 says that we should “respect everyone.” No exceptions. But, nowhere does the Scripture say you should “trust all men.” Even Jesus did not entrust himself to men, for He knew what was in the hearts of men (John 2:24). And He said to not throw pearls before swine (Matt. 7:6). When David sneaked through camp and stole Saul’s spear and water jug, Saul apologized and asked him to come back to Jerusalem, but David did not go back to Jerusalem, for he knew Saul’s heart would not retain his momentary repentance (I Samuel 24). Time proved David correct.

You can forgive a person who is not trustworthy because you want to be untangled; you need to be free to heal. If a parent (or other significant person) is a buzz saw that cuts you to pieces, forgive them for the hurt so you can go on with life, but you do not have to act as if nothing happened. No one knowingly walks back into the path of a buzz saw! It is possible to honor a parent or a person by respecting them, but at the same time give a wide enough berth to prevent new hurt from happening.

You respect your parents and others when you treat them the way you want to be treated. You can think for yourself; you can make your own choices, be responsible for your own thoughts and attitudes, responsibilities, and burdens as well as your own speech, deceptions, denials, blame or tempers. You respect your parents and others when you ask or entreat them to be responsible for those same things. Trust and respect (honor) are not the same.

After confession and forgiveness, you have room in your heart and spirit for the Lord’s love for the one you forgave. You will be more able to see the person through God’s eyes of love rather than through the filter of hurt and resentment, but this does not necessarily come quickly.

A young man came to my husband for prayer ministry with such an active hatred for his father that he wanted him dead, and said as much. After he confessed and repented of the hatred, and asked forgiveness for it, in a vision he saw the Lord standing over his father with sword raised to strike the man down. In alarm he cried, “No, Lord!” The Lord replied, “But you said you wanted him dead.” The confession, repentance, and forgiveness cleaned the wound. Then the son could see his father more clearly. Love flooded forward, and he interceded on his father’s behalf.

This story indicated to me that God agreed with the son’s assessment that his father’s behavior was unacceptable. But the son went on to hate, whereas, God’s heart was forgiveness, not vengeance.  God knew the young man’s heart, and to help him come to a place of repentance and forgiveness He showed him what the consequences of that hatred would look like. The son’s error was not in the assessment, but in the hatred.

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This is an excerpt from The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity, chapter 11, Bringing Healing. If you would like to know more about this book you may visit the author’s website: www.fromgodsheart.com. You can purchase the book from the website, Amazon.com or Barnes and Nobles.

One of the themes through the book, Letters to God on a Prodigal Son is forgiveness.

At first, I was angry with God, and had to forgive Him for allowing my son to become addicted. Here’s a prayer from the beginning on the book:

Please forgive me for being angry with You (God) and saying that You didn’t answer my prayers. I know Ben made his own choices. You are not responsible for his addiction. He’s stubborn and wants to do things his own way.

Later, I asked the Lord for forgiveness for my part in my son’s addiction:

Father, forgive me for anything that I did in his life to cause this. He was so sensitive. I tried to understand, but I lost my temper sometimes raising three children. Please forgive me for sins known and unknown. Take this broken heart of mine; heal it one piece at a time. You have given me a difficult load to bear. First, I dealt with these problems with my husband, now my son.

I waffled back and forth because forgiveness is a continual process.

At times, I  relapsed into what I call the blame game. Here’s an excerpt from Lessons Learned: “This was a very painful time for me. I tried to see things from God’s perspective and have faith, but then I’d lapse into blaming everyone for Ben’s problems: myself, my husband, our family gene pool, Ben’s stupidity and even God at times. Yet in these months I cried out to God more and more. Even though this wasn’t the end of my son’s problems, it was the end of myself—my pride, self-reliance, judgmental attitudes, and self-righteousness.  And so, though it was the worst of times, it was also the best of times.”

I often cried out to the Lord to forgive both me and my son: Look upon his (Ben’s) affliction and trouble and forgive all his sins” (Psalm 25:18—parenthetical material mine).

“For you, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon you” (Psalm 36:5).

God is always willing to forgive us when we mess up. The hard part is admitting it, but it feels great when we do. That’s one of the great benefits of having a personal relationship with Jesus—you can confess your sins, and you don’t need to feel guilty any more.

You can buy Anita’s book, “Letters to God on a Prodigal Son“  at Amazon.com or her website www.AnitaEstes.com.   For a sneak peak of Letters to God, on a Prodigal Son go to http://tinyurl.com/3pmzusd

Yes, you read that one correctly. Jesus shares this parable about a crazy shepherd who owns 100 sheep and loses one of them. This shepherd leaves the 99 he still has in order to go out looking for the one that strays away, thus risking the loss of other sheep. Sure doesn’t sound like good business to me.

I mean, come on, it’s one measly sheep. Doesn’t add up. We might even call it baaaaad math.

Jesus finishes the story with a happy ending as the shepherd indeed finds the lost little lamb (now feeling a bit sheepish) and returns home ready to throw a party with friends and neighbors in order to celebrate this “great find.” Personally, I wonder if the guy throws the party to also celebrate the other 99 who didn’t fly the coop while he was away on this hide and seek adventure.

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Excerpt from “Forgiveness Formula:  Finding Lasting Freedom in Christ” by CJ Hitz.